Gary Rowe Update Streaming Video Please click on a video graphic from below. Videos require the Quicktime Media Player. If you do not have this player, you can download here for free.

Gary Rowe Update

In February 2005, Pastoral Care Pastor Gary Rowe was diagnosed with a malignant, high-grade sarcoma. This log serves to update our church family on Gary’s health progress and to provide ongoing requests for those who are praying for Gary and his family.

If you would like to contact Gary, you can email him at garyr@east91st.org .

It is amazing how many times this verse has “appeared” before me over the last two weeks.  I’ve talked it over in therapy sessions with several people I provide care for, with a group of our pastors and directors in a staff meeting on Tuesday, in my recent re-reading of several favorite works of C. S. Lewis, and even with my oncologist at my six month CT scans yesterday.  It is easy to want this verse to say that no matter what my circumstances are, God will work them out within my own sense of “good” or to use this verse to “justify” my praise for Him when life goes “my” way.  But what this verse really says, I think, is that God is Good in the truest sense and can do nothing other than Good and is worth of my praise, love, and life because He is Good.  And I think that the working for Good He intends is explained in verse 29, because He desires to conform you and me into “the likeness of His Son,” and that might include circumstances and experiences in this life that I might not, of my own, ever choose to experience.  My appraisal of my circumstances might rise and fall, but that has nothing to do with God’s goodness – He is Good simply because He is.  If I draw to His goodness only when “I” perceive life as good, I really don’t understand who He really is.

Yesterday was a big day for me – my six month set of CT scans.  I’ve been on this cancer journey for 2 ½ years now and I have never made it past six months without my routine scans showing new nodules in my left lung – tough, resistant tumors that chemo and surgeries have not been able to halt.  I have to admit that I was more than curious about why Romans 8:28 seemed to dominate many of my more serious conversations these last few weeks.   The more pessimistic side of me wondered if God was preparing me for another disappointment and my rosy-colored glasses side wanted this to be a sign of God’s healing touch on my life.  Thankfully, it became neither. 

Instead, God wanted me to see that His purpose for my life has little to do with my perception of circumstances – it has more to do with my continued pledge and prayer to remain faithful to Him, to respond to the likeness of Christ in me He desires and I resist, and to praise Him because He is Good, even if life doesn’t appear to be.  I am grateful that Connie and I walked into my oncologist’s office yesterday with this truth on our hearts.  It made the news we received even more joyous – for the first time, my scans came back completely clear of cancer at the sixth month interval!

I really can’t put my thoughts and feelings into words.  Grateful, relieved, thrilled, humbled, stupid with glee – nothing seems to come close.  But as desperately as I’ve longed to hear those words from my oncologist, I am so glad they came after I got my head back on straight and can see, at least at the moment, God’s transforming goodness at work in me.

As far as the details of my good report go, my scans show no sign of any new tumors in either lung.  I will continue to have scans about every 12 weeks, and if they remain clear until next April, I will be officially in remission.  I’ll still have tests and scans, just with less frequency.  And I have a moment now to really heal and recover from all the surgeries and chemos and regain the strength and abilities I took for granted 3 years ago.  Connie and I also know that I would not be writing this to you today if so many of you had not kept us faithfully in your prayers; to say we are eternally grateful conveys the time it would take to acknowledge the love we’ve experienced.  Among all men and women, we are richly blessed.

May 1, 2007 Update
Today is such a big day!  I’ve finally gone through an entire month without ending up back in the hospital!  Since November, I’ve been hospitalized at least once a month for chemo, chemo related difficulties or surgeries; I am so glad to have all that behind me. 

I am still having a difficult time healing from all the different procedures I’ve been through these last few months.  I’ve had three chest tubes inserted in four months and the wound that was left is certainly taking its time to heal.  I’ve also had several central lines run through my neck over that same time period; the wounds have healed quickly, but that entire area of my neck is still (and will be) tender for some time.

On the plus side, I am getting something resembling the meager amount of hair I use to have on my head returning!  Perhaps my first haircut in 6 months will happen soon!  And I seem to have a healthier color returning to my complexion.  Being able to breathe, I’m certain, has a lot to do with that!  About every two weeks or so, I’m noticing that I have more energy and stamina.  Walking is now very easy and I can do long flights of stairs without gasping for air. 

I am so fortunate to have been able to continue working through all of this.  I’m doing well enough that I am able to plan further ahead and spend more time working with people and not just projects.  And my ability to think and concentrate is finally bouncing back – even though it may not have been all that great before! 

My next CT scans are in June and your prayers are deeply appreciated.  I have never made it through that round of testing without more cancer appearing; I am hopeful that this will be the moment of good news.   Either way, God seems to be telling me not to worry – this is difficult for me, but it is very comforting.   I’ve been re-reading the Psalms for some time now; being able to really breathe again makes this Psalm are the more meaningful, “Let everything that breathes praise the Lord!  Praise the Lord!”

April 2, 2007 Update
Sorry for the long delay in my postings.  I’ve been in the hospital for two unanticipated and rather lengthy stays since my last posting.    It’s difficult to say exactly how things are – for the most part, I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve have finally progressed to the “about as good as things are going to get” stage! 
 
My left lung has now collapsed twice since my surgery in January.  This was not entirely unexpected; a third or more people having most of a lower lobe of a lung removed will experience some degree of collapse.  But two collapses is clearly disappointing!   In February, it became clear that my lung was not going to re-inflate, so an outpatient procedure was done to insert a “portable chest tube and drain” to help collect and remove any fluid or air that might have been preventing my lung from inflating.  This procedure worked partially, but to increase its benefit, I was hospitalized for a number of days (after having the boom-boxed sized chest tube in at home and work for 10 days) and hooked up to suction to help “pull” my lung into place.  Not terribly painful, but profoundly uncomfortable!
 
This procedure appeared to work – but about a week later I had a considerable amount of pain return.  A follow-up series of tests showed the lung had collapsed again; a more invasive procedure would be necessary to restore my lung.  About two weeks ago, my pain increased dramatically and I went back to the hospital for a simple 15 minute procedure to “glue”, with the aid of an irritating talc, my lung back into place.  There are several ways this procedure can be performed with a scope – fortunately my surgeon chose to do it in the operating room.  She quickly discovered that my lung had not only collapsed but had also adhered itself to the lining of my chest in multiple distorted ways – to the place where it was barely able to inflate (which explained the serious pain!).  She spent hours removing the adhesions and correctly positioning my lung to properly inflate and adhere.  What should have been an overnight stay in the hospital turned into 5 long days, ending just a week ago.  The good news is that most all of my pain is gone and I was able to work most days last week – the bad news was that I am forbidden to fly for several months – we were supposed to be in San Diego and Tucson this week enjoying the sun and visiting the new Disneyland parks.
 
The other good news is that as of this moment, no new metastases have been detected.  My oncologist stopped by my hospital room to visit with Connie and me after my surgery – he continues to use the word “blessed” on one hand to describe my condition; yet he is profoundly cautious about preparing me for the results of my next scan in late May or early June. He fears that if cancer returns, it will likely be a variation of the original metastasis -- these variations are extremely hard to treat, let alone cure.  Until now, Connie and I have not talked much with others about this possibility -- it feels a little alarmist to share those details broadly when this may not happen at all – or at least may not happen for a while.  It gnaws at me, though, and I continually have to pray and reaffirm my trust in God.  I find it difficult to even think about making plans for the summer and beyond – I am not certain if that is a good thing or not.
Psalm 30 seems to restore my hope and trust, “Sing praises to the Lord, O you his saints, and give thanks to his holy name.  For his anger is but for a moment, but his favor is for a lifetime.  Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.”

February 12, 2007 Update
It has been very difficult to get the strength up to write this.  I am recovering painfully and slowly from my surgery last month – in a hopefully preventive measure, my surgeon removed almost all of the lower lobe of my left lung and had to cut some back and chest muscle -- all of that has meant a much slower and more painful recovery.  The two nodules she removed grew very quickly over the month of December -- even though nothing new has appeared yet, the rapid growth of these tumors is not the greatest news.  One tumor grew but was nuked by the chemo and the other was very large and very much alive.
 
I was just getting back on my feet last week when my surgeon had me come back to the hospital for a day and re-inserted another chest tube.  She said it was “small and portable” – something the size of a cassette player.  I was picturing a walkman.  In reality it is the size of a boom box and I’m getting tired of lugging it everywhere with me.  It is a conversation starter when I’m in line at Starbucks, however!  I’m wearing it because I have an air pocket that formed after the last surgery that is keeping my lung from completely re-inflating -- if it doesn't fully inflate I am at risk for infections and lung collapse.  I hope to get the chest tube out later this week.
 
Even though this doesn't sound all that great (and it isn’t), I think I am doing well emotionally and spiritually.  I do fear the next few CT scans -- a return of cancer now is likely to mean far more drastic medical and surgical procedures and I must say that I am very tired and not looking forward to that kind of a fight.  But I'll do it and prayerfully face it with all the trust and faithfulness that God can and will supply.
 
If my lung expands and heals, Connie and I and the kids will be able to fly out to the west coast for an extended spring break vacation.  This would be great because we haven't been able to do anything other than a few short local trips since I was diagnosed over two years ago.  I can't tell you how great it would be if we can do that!
 
Your constant encouragement is powerful and again I am grateful for your loving care and prayers.  The 31st Psalm brings me comfort and hope this week; “I have passed out of mind like one who is dead; I have become like a broken vessel . . . But I trust in thee, O Lord, I say, ‘Thou art my God.’  My times are in thy hand.”
 
New Year’s Update 2007
It has been more difficult than usual to write this update.   After all the difficulties and hospitalizations following my latest chemo regiment and multiple consultations with my oncologist and surgeon, it definitely appears that surgery to remove the two new nodules on my left lung is my best treatment option.  I’ll have more tests this week with surgery to follow immediately.  I know that I’ve said this before, but I get more anxious and fearful about the surgeries than I do about any other form of treatment that gets thrown at me.  It’s not just the pain and the lengthy recovery, but it’s the realization of truly how little control I have over what I am experiencing and the uncertainty of what I will or won’t be able to do next.  Really trusting God requires my continual submission and belief in Him; it’s amazing that in spite of how faithful He has been this past two years I still want to wrestle control from Him.

But when I look back over my two year journey, I see over and over again how God has not only sustained me but how He has protected me and moved me ever closer to the possibility of real recovery.  When I was first diagnosed, I had over 20 potential metastases in both lungs.  My oncologist recently reminded me that many people with my type of sarcoma have over 100 by this time; I have one lung that has remained completely clear for 15 months and only two stubborn metastases remaining in my left lung. It is only by God’s grace and the faithful prayers of many that I am where I am today.  Faith and hope become real and quickly replace anxiety and fear when I focus on who God is and the protection and healing the Great Physician has already bestowed on me.

Surgery this time is likely to be a bit more radical than before.  Nearly all the nodules that have returned have been in the lower lobe of my left lung; this next surgery will be the third on that lung.  Connie and I and my surgeon all agree that the best treatment is to remove the remainder of that lower lobe rather than another resection.  If this is what she chooses to do during surgery, I will likely have a slower recovery than before.  It is very likely that I will be homebound for awhile and I may need to remain on oxygen for a while.  I should regain good use of that lung and although I may get more easily winded, I should recover just fine.

Please continue to remain faithful in prayer for my family and for me.  Comfort and strength for my family and a quick recovery with no complications are our prayers.  The promise of Psalm 56 is very true to us this week; “ When I am most afraid, I put my trust in you; in God whose word I praise, in God I put my trust, fearing nothing . . .”

December 8, 2006 Update
There has been quite a bit of change since my last update; it is almost difficult to know where to start.  About five weeks ago, surgery was first recommended as the best treatment option for the two nodules that have reappeared in my left lung.  After lots of prayer and some additional consultation with my doctors, a “new to me” regiment of chemotherapy was proposed and begun several weeks ago.  Unfortunately, this regiment has not gone well.

I became very ill after the first dose of chemo and following the last infusion I had to be hospitalized for the better part of a week.  Many tests have been run and I’ve had some time this week to start to recover from the pounding I took from chemo.  I had another visit with my oncologist on Wednesday, and it appears my poor body is no longer able to tolerate the effects of chemo.  My oncologist gave Connie and I a detailed review of last week’s hospitalization and tests and it is now clear that I have reached the point where continuing with chemo is likely to seriously damage my kidneys, pulmonary functioning and bone marrow functioning.  One the one hand, this is disappointing because of the additional benefit we’d hoped chemo could provide, but it is also not bad news or even a serious setback.  It does mean that after a couple of weeks to recoup from chemo I will go ahead with the lung surgery that was recommended last month.  I will meet with my surgeon next week and I will have surgery probably sometime after Christmas or New Year’s.

I have to admit that I was rather down following this news.  But without even knowing about this latest disappointment, a number of people important to Connie and me began calling and email us and expressing their love, prayers and encouragement.  I think that is very much the presence of God in our lives – when we are sad or confused, He has many of you affirm His love and mercy through the expression of your love and care.  We have experienced this again many times over the last few days and I am certain we will continue to be blessed by you for some time.

Your continued prayers and expressions of love for me and my family are still the most important things you can do for us.  It is no less than amazing to see where I am health-wise compared to where other people with my kind of sarcoma are; your faithful prayers and God’s mercy are the difference.  Because of all of you, I think my family and I get to bask daily in the sincere and devoted love that the apostle Paul speaks so clearly about in Romans 12 “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

October 27, 2006 Update
The last few days have been a whirlwind!  It’s early and dreary outside; I’m sitting in my office sipping an extremely hot cup of Starbuck’s and I’m experiencing a sense of God’s peace that has been elusive these last 10 days.  Until yesterday, I was scheduled to be in surgery (at this very hour, in fact) to remove the two new nodules that have appeared in my left lung.  Enjoying the peacefulness of the gentle rain, reflecting on Scripture and writing to all of you is much better!

Ever since I received the news last week that my cancer has returned again, I’ve been troubled by the decision to have immediate surgery.  Cancer is a systemic disease and the decision to treat my reoccurrence surgically was based on the belief that the chemotherapies I’ve already received are likely to be ineffective on the new nodules.  My concern with surgery has been that surgery can only be effective eliminating nodules that can be seen; it is certainly likely that my lung contains sarcoma nodules that are invisible to CT’s and the naked eye.  Neither Connie or I have had peace over the prospect of immediate surgery. 

From the time of my first chemo last year, we’ve sought out a second opinion on my treatment; the oncology group at the University of Michigan is world-renowned for research and treatment of synovial sarcomas.  After a few consultations with and between Michigan and my oncology group at IU Med Center, a new chemotherapy regiment for my rare cancer has been proposed.  Chemo treatments will begin in a few weeks and will likely have fewer difficult side effects than previous treatments.

Although it may not sound like it – this is wonderful news!  Chemo will attack any cancer cells too small to detect as well as shrink or kill the two new nodules.  I don’t know the exact details of this regiment yet, but chemo will be once a week and outpatient.  This is so much better than being hospitalized for a week at a time.  I should be able to continue to work fairly regularly; fatigue is the most common side effect I’ll have to deal with.  It is likely that I will still have surgery following multiple rounds of chemo and I may also have additional rounds of chemo post-surgery.  Not an easy journey, but a hopeful and welcomed option.
Keep us all in your prayers.  There are still many hurdles with this treatment; please pray they are all overcoming easily.  I reread the entire third chapter of Proverbs this morning and I am drawn to God’s promises in verse 19 and following; “By wisdom the LORD laid the earth's foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place; by his knowledge the deeps were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew. My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck. Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble; when you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.  Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the LORD will be your confidence . . .”

October 19, 2006 Update
Psalm 77 has raced through my heart and mind the last 24 hours:

  “I cried out to God for help;   I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted.  I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint. You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak.   I thought about the former days, the years of long ago; I remembered my songs in the night.  My heart mused and my spirit inquired: "Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again?   Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time?   Has God forgotten to be merciful?  Has he in anger withheld his compassion?"
  Then I thought, "To this I will appeal:  the years of the right hand of the Most High."   I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds. Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God?   You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples. With your mighty arm you redeemed your people . . .”

Yesterday was a very difficult day.  It’s been just over four months since my last surgery and on the surface it looks like I am healing fairly well.  Monday I had a series of “routine” CT scans, and Connie and I met with my oncologist yesterday to see the results. Two nodules have reappeared on the same lung that was resected in June.   Although this is not completely unexpected, it is still disheartening to say the least!

One nodule is very small and in the upper part of my left lung but the other is just under a centimeter and is in the lower lobe of my left lung.  The scans I had two months ago didn’t clearly show this nodule; it is certainly fast growing.  Thankfully, my right lung has remained clear for over a year.

Because the last several “chemo-resistant” nodules have appeared primarily in the lower left lung lobe (say that fast three times!), my surgeon is recommending removing the remainder of that lobe rather than doing the resections she has done before.  This will leave me with about half of that lung and most of my right lung.  As I write this, I realize it sounds more radical than it is; I should heal completely in a few months and most of the time I won’t notice the reduced lung capacity.

Rather than have additional rounds of chemo, I will have surgery again on my left lung in just over a week.  These new nodules are likely to not respond to chemo (they’ve been hit already with 12 weeks of chemo) and surgery now will eliminate them before they reach the size where they are likely to metastasize. 

Obviously, we crave your prayers.  This surgery is brutal and it takes a while to regain energy and have relief from the pain.  Honestly, there are parts of the recovery that make me quite anxious just thinking about them.  And it hurts deeply to see the turmoil this puts Connie and my girls through.  I’d gladly go through anything if they were spared the anguish.  But that doesn’t appear to be God’s plan.  Yet I know that in my weakness and infirmity God will show me the tremendous need I have for Him and He will draw me close to Him.  This difficult trial is well worth that blessing for me and my family.

I will make certain a brief update is sent and posted (www.east91st.org) following my surgery, and I will write to all of you when I am recovering at home. 

Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God?  Amen!

August 28, 2006
As I sat down to write this update, I really had to take a moment to figure out what news I have to report.  I have had an unbelievably smooth recovery from the June surgery; in fact I feel better now that I have ever felt since I was first diagnosed with cancer.  I had a round of tests at the end of last month because I had some excess fluid around my lungs; that seems to be gone and I can feel the fatigue I’ve experienced all year lifting almost weekly.  So many of you have been incredibly faithful in your prayers for me and my family; again we are so grateful!

I’ve been back at church full-time since early July.  I felt so good (and was so restless) that my first day in the office was only one week after my surgery.  My schedule is nearly back to normal and I am additionally blessed to have the opportunities weekly to minister to other families wrestling with cancer and its difficult treatment.

I am also off all medications and I have won’t have any additional visits for tests until mid October.  The next round of tests are rather critical; it was at this same testing interval that new cancer was discovered back in February.  I am very hopeful as this date approaches and I am continually encouraged by your notes, emails, calls and love.

Hopefully, I will have very little to update you with until I complete my tests mid October.  I am enjoying a place of rest and renewed fellowship with everyone as I continue my cancer journey.  As always, keep my family in your prayers and rejoice as I do daily with the gift of each new day in Christ.

“Praise the Lord, O my soul,
 and do not forget all his benefits ---
  who forgives all your sins
 and heals all your diseases . . .”  (Psalm 103:2,3)

Father, what blessings I experience from you!  What benefits I have been given!  May we all be faithful in cherishing your goodness and giving you praise all the day long!  May we all proclaim, in word and deed, your wonders and your grace!  Amen

June 12, 2006 Update
I am not one to think of myself as having trust issues.  But the closer my June 6th surgery date came, the more I realized how strong my fear was of “going under the knife.”  I’ve had this thoracic surgery twice before, and I was well aware of all the difficult post-op and recovery issues.  Although I wasn’t all that excited about going through them again, they were not the source of my dread.  Having no control over what was about to happen to me was what was overwhelming me at times – from the fear of be anesthetized and not knowing what I might find when I awoke to the uncertainty and elusiveness of my type of sarcoma. 

Of course, there was nothing to really worry about.  This surgery went even more smoothly than the last two and I am further along in my recovery after just one week than I was at several weeks before!  Nothing of my dread came even remotely close to being true.  The power of prayer and the prayers of many are amazingly powerful!

For those who like the details, my surgery was uncomplicated and easier than my surgeon predicted.  Although chemo had shrunk my nodules considerably, she was able to locate all three and remove them with very clean margins.  One nodule, the large one in the lower section of my lung, was still “viable” although it had shrunk considerably from the chemo.  My lymph nodes showed no signs of infection or disease and there was no need to remove any of them.  And she was able to carefully inspect my lung four times to insure no nodules were missed.  Overall, a very positive result from chemo, surgery and your prayers!

My hospital stay also went extremely well.  Nurses on the surgery recovery floor couldn’t believe how well I looked and acted just a day after surgery.  My chest tube was removed on Saturday and an immediate x-ray indicated I had a small air pocket in my upper chest where the lung had not completely inflated.  It stabilized quickly and I was allowed to go home later that same afternoon.  So far, other than a little extra discomfort, I’ve had no problems from the air pocket.

The only issue that concerned my doctors was that my heart rate stayed high following the surgery.  Beta blockers were used to bring my rate down and to insure that my treatments haven’t done any damage to my heart, I was encouraged to have an echocardiogram sometime during my first week at home.  A wonderful cardiologist and family friend of ours saw me first thing this morning and everything appears fine!  I will stay on medication for just a few more weeks and as long as my heart rate returns to normal nothing more will need to be done.

Once again, I’ve learned that in Christ there is truly nothing to fear.  Unwavering trust is difficult for me; I crave clarity.  Pray that I will continue to put my trust in God and His goodness and unlimited love for me.  1 John 4:16 is my goal, “We ourselves have known and put our trust in God’s love toward ourselves.”

July 31, 2006
There is something about facing such a difficult illness that makes the Psalms stand out in a powerful way.  I’ve read this Psalm many times lately and I think I am just beginning to understand how God truly loves me and how clearly He protects me:

Psalm 18  “I love you, O Lord, my strength. 2  The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.  He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

 3 I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies.  4 The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. 5 The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. 6 In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help.  From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. 28 You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning;  my God turns my darkness into light.  29 With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall. 30 As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.  31 For who is God besides the Lord ?  And who is the Rock except our God?”
I can’t begin to tell you how good I feel and how incredible my recovery has been from all this year’s chemo and last month’s surgery.  I know that it will be quite some time, years perhaps, before I know whether or not I am “healed” from this terrible disease.  Yet throughout my treatment and in my surgery recovery I have experienced daily God’s protection and compassion as it has poured onto me and to my family, my friends and those I work closely with.  I know David wrote this Psalm when he was pursued by Saul and his armies, yet I get to experience the same awesome power of His love and security day after day.  I pray that experiencing God is as real to you as it is to me.

May 25,  2006 Update
I think I will always be amazed when I am the recipient of answered prayer.  Over the past few weeks I’ve asked many of you to pray specifically for positive results to all the tests I have undergone.  As a direct answer to your prayers, all the anxiety I felt about hearing my test results literally melted away the closer I got to each appointment.  And each time I met with my oncologist and surgeon, the results were about as positive as they could be!

Chemotherapy (and prayer!) has been extremely effective – to such a degree that I did not need to undergo my last round of chemotherapy.  I can’t begin to tell you what a relief that was!  Additionally, some of the lymph nodes that “lit up” during my CT scans have been diagnosed as being infected, not cancerous.  And the three tumors on my left lung have shrunk to the degree that my oncologist was slightly worried that my surgeon may have a little difficulty finding them during surgery.  Now that’s a problem I am happy to have!

I have had several recent appointments and conversations with my surgeon, and she is very positive about my next (and potentially last) surgery.  I have what the hospital records officially state as a “redo” surgery scheduled for June 6th to remove the three nodules from my left lung.  This surgery is a little more complicated than before, mostly because of potential scarring and healing issues related to the first surgery on this lung last summer.  Because this lung is still healing, surgery is like to take a little longer and my recovery stay may be extended by a day or two.

Obviously I covet your continued prayers as well as your love and support for my family.  We are all dreading this last surgery and the lengthy healing process that follows.  But we all know that God continues to be with us as He has always been throughout this ordeal.  Please pray for each of us, for an uncomplicated surgery, and for a quick and complete healing process.  And pray that this will be the last treatment I will ever need for cancer.

Philippians 4 seems so relevant to me at this time, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus . . . And the God of peace will be with you.”

April 24, 2006 Update
Where to begin?  Talk about a roller-coaster ride over these last 10 days!  Just over one week ago, I became very sick again with high fevers and intense bone pain.  Both of these were partially due to one of the medications I take to raise my white blood cell counts.  This time, I was far more sick than usual.  Last Friday, I was scheduled to go into the hospital and begin my last round of chemo.  I went first to my oncologist for a regularly scheduled follow-up and I had to laugh when he told me I was “too sick” to go into the hospital!  Not really what you want to hear from your doctor!

He decided to delay my chemo until the 24th and ran a number of extra tests to help figure out why I was so sick.  I spent most of the day in tests and arrived home late Friday afternoon.  Not long after we got home, my oncologist called with the first potentially good news.  While reviewing my x-rays from earlier that day, he noticed it was very difficult to find the cancer nodules on my lung.  A CT scan was immediately scheduled for Saturday and I got the results back this morning.  The CT scan clearly indicated that two of the three spots on my lung have “receded” and are not visible; the third has diminished in size significantly!  Not only was this good news, but it also meant my last round of chemo was unnecessary.  I was dreading this last round; it feels like I’ve gotten a get out of jail free card!

On the down side, the CT scan did reveal several suspicious lymph nodes.  My type of cancer almost never spreads to the lymph nodes, but I will be going through some additional tests in two weeks to rule that out.  Most likely, these lymph nodes are infected and may be related to the many illnesses I have had while in chemo.  Pray that these are not cancerous and pray that the doctors can figure out the source of my illnesses.

I am back to work and a somewhat normal life routine this week – it feels so good!  Once these tests are complete, I will meet again with my thoracic surgeon to discuss a third (and hopefully last) lung surgery.  I am not certain when this will take place, but probably not until the end of May.  This will give me lots of time to get my strength back and my immune system strong so that recovery will be a little easier.

It’s a blessed week.  I can feel a little more strength coming back daily and I am home rather than in the hospital.  I feel like I can rest for the first time in months.  I’ve probably read the following verse to hundred’s of hurting and anxious people over the years; it seems to be my verse for the week! "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."  Matt 11: 28-30

April 11, 2006 Update
Well, the good news for me seems to be continuing.  The fevers that plagued me for weeks have stayed away and the last round of chemo was very tiring but without difficulty.  I came home late last week and slept for several days and each day this week I seem to be getting a little more energy back.  My white blood cell counts are the lowest they have ever been, so I am now taking several medications to keep me safe (as well as several medications to protect me from the horrible side effects of medications that are supposed to keep me safe!)

My low white blood cell counts appear to be my health concern of the moment.  They are seriously low, leaving me at high risk for illness and infection.  I will have a more tests done at the end of the week that should tell whether or not the new drugs are working.  Please pray that my counts return to safer levels and that I don’t get ill again!

It’s difficult not to worry every time one of these health concerns hits.  They always seem to come unexpectedly and usually when I think things are going well.  But it is always at these moments that God’s peace becomes real and transcends my situation. 

Philippians 4: 6-7 in The Message says it best “Don’t fret or worry.  Instead of worry, pray.  Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.  Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down.  It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.”

March 31, 2006 Update
It is definitely time for rejoicing!  After about 10 days of fevers I’ve been fever-free since Monday.  The flu left me exhausted, but I feel rested now and I finally have some energy again.  My third round of chemo was delayed because of my illness; I’ll go into the hospital today to begin that next round.

Connie and the girls are off for spring break.  Obviously our plans have changed since I’m hospitalized for chemo!  Pray that they have a relaxing and enjoyable time anyway and aren’t too disappointed at not being able to travel.  And even though I do great each time I am hospitalized for chemo, the girls still worry and don’t always feel completely comfortable until I am home.  It is very sweet, but they do need your prayers.

I continue to get cards and emails daily with notes of encouragement and prayers.  I am always touched when I receive notes from people I’ve never met; you have no idea how much your words and prayers mean to me and to my family.

I was reading the first chapter of Philippians in The Message just the other day; this passage reminded me of all of you and your faithfulness in prayer for me:

“And I'm going to keep that celebration going, because I know how it's going to turn out. Through your faithful prayers and the generous response of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, everything he wants to do in and through me will be done.”

March 27, 2006 Update
This is another brief update and prayer request.  My fevers continue and have now delayed my chemo until at least the end of the week.  My doctor is putting me on antibiotics just in case this is not the flu, but he will no longer allow me to take Motrin or Aleve to provide some symptom relief.  He just wants my fever to run its course.  After 8 days of fevers in the 100’s, I’m just wanting this to be over.

Once the fevers end, I will have to wait at least 3 days before I can begin chemo.  It is possible that I can start by the end of the week if the fever breaks soon, otherwise I’ll be in all next week when Connie and the girls are home for Spring Break.  That’s disappointing, too.  We were looking forward to being able to do something, even something small, over their break.  The disappointment is tough, particularly on the girls.  Keep them in your prayers next week!

Pray these fevers end quickly and that I can get on with chemo this week.  My energy is low as a result of this illness – please pray that it returns before chemo takes it away again!

 “Cast all your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall . . . But as for me, I trust in you.” Psalm 55

March 23, 2006 Update
Today’s update is rather brief and mostly a request for prayer.  A few days after I wrote last week’s more extensive update, I became ill with a serious cough and later with fevers.  I’ve been ill since last weekend with what my oncologist is calling a flu virus.  The difficulty for me is that my doctor can only partially treat my symptoms and I my compromised immune system isn’t “getting the job done.”  I am miserable, and unless my fevers lift by Friday, next week’s chemo will be delayed until I am fever free for at least 3 days.

I am not certain what to ask you to pray for.  I want the virus gone and my immune system more functional.  But being sick this often since February and unable to do almost anything is teaching me a lot about myself and why I am driven to do what I do.  As hard as chemo is, I’d rather jump in and stay on schedule.  Pray for God’s will and for my patience.

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”

March 10, 2006 Update
As I sit down to write this, I am thankfully in a much better place than I was when I wrote my last update.  I came home from the hospital on Friday and other than being extremely tired, I was fine.  The week in the hospital was completely uneventful – exactly what we all prayed for.  I was still running a low-grade fever the day before I went into the hospital, but it went away and didn’t impact my ability to begin chemo at all.  I am over whatever virus I had two weeks ago and the pleurisy is all but gone.  I am elated at a week that went exactly as planned and left me listless!

I also learned while I was hospitalized last week that no matter how difficult my situation might be, I have nothing to complain about. Unexpectedly, I had several encounters with a group of cancer patients whose journey makes mine look like a walk in the park.  Over the week, I experienced a combination of disappointment with where I am with my own illness combined with the raw awareness of the incredible sufferings of others and a growing awareness of how much God is protecting me.   After meeting these folks, I’ve been telling everyone how much God is protecting me and how I truly have “nothing to complain about.”

There have been a few funny incidents over the past weeks.  The chemo I am on triggers hair loss that is quick and complete.  As a number of you know, I have been a Three Stooges fan since I was a kid.  One of my favorite Three Stooges gags is where Moe grabs Larry by the hair and rips out huge hunks of his locks.  When my hair started to fall out, Anna and I went into our master bath and I said, “Grab big hunks hair and pull!”  She was sheepish for a moment, but after the first pull we both had a blast.  I did quickly remind her that this was hopefully a once in a lifetime experience!

As I look over the past few weeks, I think it is clear that God is teaching me about gratitude. 
1 Thessalonians 5 keeps coming to mind for me, “Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.”

March 3, 2006 Update
It has been a very difficult two weeks off chemo. As I am writing this, I feel sicker than I did when I came home from the hospital 10 days ago.

My first few days home were not too bad – mostly tiredness and a few unpleasant but endurable side effects from all the medications. But then the plagues came; first extreme intestinal distress like I’ve never had that left me dehydrated and listless for several days. A new med and some fluids and I was a little weak but back on my feet. Just as I thought I would turn a corner, I was hit with the deep bone pain that comes from the white blood cell hormone I inject. Even the heavy-duty pain killers I was given didn’t put a dent in the sharp pain that comes with rapid white blood cell growth. At one point, my ribs hurt so badly it felt as if they’d been crushed, my leg bones had so much pain that it felt like they would break if I turned them, and I can’t think of a word descriptive enough to communicate the pain in my hips and lower back. Thankfully, the intensity lasted only about two days; but again, I was drained.

I had a great weekend last weekend – no pain and great energy. That was until Tuesday, when I began to feel very tired and discovered I was running a temperature of 101. Fevers and infections are taken quite seriously when you have a compromised immune system. My oncology team did a great job monitoring my fevers and by Wednesday I spent half the day in the hospital for tests and precautions. I got to go home, but my fevers were even more intense Thursday and to just top things off, I developed pleurisy in my right lung. The pleurisy remains but thankfully my fevers finally broke Friday. Another afternoon at the hospital for tests – and every test was either negative or clear. If I am fever free Monday, I should be able to start my next round of chemo.

Please pray for me physically and emotionally. I am as exhausted now as I was when I came home 10 days ago. And I am very disappointed and frustrated with my ability to have some normalcy between chemo rounds. I pray the worst is over and that the next round is nothing like this one. I am one to keep pushing and not accommodate this illness – this time I had no choice.

When I read this passage the other day, it reminded me of the strength I have, in part, because of your prayers. “For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father.”   I can’t begin to express my gratitude for your unceasing prayers!

February  19, 2006 Update
The first week of hospitalized chemo is finally over and I am weary, but resting very well at home. I sent several emails to my family, co-workers and friends on Wednesday and Thursday, basically saying I was doing very well and looking ahead to my first Friday finish line. Poetically, just like several of our Olympic athletes, I was “hot-dogging” a little too early.

I had an aggressive chemo schedule last week. By Friday (the day I was to go home), my chemo began early in the morning. This would allow me to be home early in the afternoon, possibly before my daughters arrived home from school. Very early Friday, after my last infusion had started, I needed to stand up to go to the bathroom. I felt nauseous, more nauseous than I had all week. “I’ll just make a quick trip to the bathroom,” I said to myself – and moments later I blacked out and hit the floor. No bumps, no bruises – but my stunt cost me an extra day in the hospital.

Thankfully, everything is fine now, and other than being quite tired, I am doing very well – much better than after my first round of chemo last year. I hope to have a somewhat normal home and work week starting tomorrow. It will be great to get back to what I love and want to do – being cooped up a week at a time is challenging for me. Please continue your loving prayer support for my family and for me. Other than blacking out Friday and being extremely tired, I’ve had few ill side-effects. I learned that over the next week or so that I could experience several “delayed-chemo responses”. In particular, please pray that I’ll avoid all fevers and infections, delayed nausea, bone pain, and what my chemo literature consistently refers to as “painful” mouth sores. I can tell the strain of everything is taking its toll on my family – pray for stress relief and strength.

I think much of the initial anxiety I experienced after my February 1st diagnosis has passed – mostly as an answer to all the prayers offered in my behalf. I feel a stronger sense of determination and focus for these next two weeks. I was reading today in 2 Corinthians 13; Paul is challenging his readers to grow in their awareness of Christ’s presence and power in their lives “Likewise, we are weak in Him, yet by God's power we will live with Him to serve you. Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test? And I trust that you will discover that we have not failed the test.”

Pray Paul’s challenge for me these next two weeks. Blessings!

February 9, 2006 Update
It has been a very long week. The reality of my diagnosis weighs heavy on just about everyone I've encountered. As a minister and a therapist, I've helped many people over the years express their hurt, grief and tears -- I am not use to being the cause. Yesterday's additional tests were uneventful. No new information on my cancer, which is fine with me. Baseline tests for heart functioning were set -- one of my chemotherapy drugs, Adriamycian, can weaken my heart muscle.

Thankfully I will be monitored very closely and no damage should occur. Speaking of side effects, I would truly appreciate your prayers for peace for my family and me and for God’s protection of what health I still have. Because I will receive several chemotherapy drugs daily next week, being hospitalized is my best option. My oncology team will monitor and hopefully quickly counteract most of the side effects of these powerful drugs. Sides effects I'd like you to pray against include serious nausea and vomiting, low white blood cell counts, fevers and infections, bruising, painful mouth sores, phlebitis, deep bone pain and heart toxicity. Hair loss is fine with me (it's not like I have all that much left to lose); the only bonus of chemo is no shampooing or shaving -- getting ready in the morning is little more than a quick shower!

Chemo is still set to begin on Monday. I'll be hospitalized until Friday evening and receive one or more of my chemotherapy drugs daily. I'll have a number of medications to take when I come home and I will have to learn to give myself injections to stimulate recovery of my white blood cell counts and to help prevent infection. And hopefully, I can keep some kind of regular work schedule the weeks I am off chemo. I find great comfort in the 46th Psalm this week, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear . . .”

February 1, 2006 Update
February 1 is not my day; I’m considering crossing it off my calendar next year. One year ago today, while on a mission trip in Swaziland, I discovered a “lump” on my right leg. That lump was a rapidly growing synovial sarcoma tumor, and my journey with cancer began.

Today, exactly one year later, I had a routine series of tests run at IU Med Center. The results were rather disappointing. Since my last scan several months ago, 3 new spots have reappeared on my left lung. One nodule is about ½ inch in size – the other two are “pinpoints.” My oncology team believes these spots were too small to be seen in the earlier treatments and tests – but they feel they will respond positively to a stronger regiment of chemo. Obviously, Connie and I and the girls are heartbroken.

I will go back to IU next Wednesday for a series of tests and then begin a new regiment of chemo on Monday, February 13. This time, I will receive several different chemotherapy drugs, and I’d be less than honest if I said the treatment will be easy. I will remain in the hospital for 5 days and have chemo daily. I should be released Friday night and hopefully I will be able to return to a somewhat normal work schedule the following Monday. I will have 4 rounds of this chemo regiment -- in the hospital for 5 days, home for two weeks, and then back in the hospital for another 5 days of chemo. This will last for 12 weeks; I'll finish sometime around the beginning of May. After a few weeks of recovery, I will have yet another thoracic surgery on my left lung to remove the dead nodules.

Please keep us in your prayers – they are what we need the most. Love on my family and my staff team when you see them around the church. In some ways, I think this is much harder on my family and staff team than it is going to be on me.

I really do see this as just a “momentary setback.” I had no desire to accommodate this disease last year; nor do I now. Pray for my family, that their fears will be replaced with hope and joy. And pray for me, that I might be more like the righteous man in Psalm 112: 7 “He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.”

Christmas 2005 Update
There are some experiences in my cancer journey that I wouldn’t trade for anything. It seems that not a day goes by without someone calling, emailing, or just stopping me in the hallway at church and telling me how much they love or appreciate something special about Connie or me. It tends to catch me off guard almost every time and it always brings a smile to my face or a tear to my eye. Connie and I were talking about this the other night – how having a potentially fatal illness, or a serious life crisis, makes people more willing to say what they really think and feel about someone they care about. So many people are refreshingly candid with their care, their concern, and their genuine sentiments. What is it about some of our circumstances that help us to be more vulnerable and more honest with each other about what we truly appreciate and feel for each other? In a way, I wish everyone who reads this could encounter the love I get to experience every day. I think this is the way God intended that life should be. I can’t believe I get to live it daily.

I pray I can live the rest of my life demonstrating the same kind of love to others that you shower me with everyday. Love calls forth love. The more rooted we are in the love of God, the more generously we live our faith and the more richly we reflect the love of our Father and our Savior. In thi